"it" just moved
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
