No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
