Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Randomize
