hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
