I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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