I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
