We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
