you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
