my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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