So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize