So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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