$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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