You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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