i just wanna soil my oats bro
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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