Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
