you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize