Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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