i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
