Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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