i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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