just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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