If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
