Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he fucked my hip out of place.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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