is your mom at the bar?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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