I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
