I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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