Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize