is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
