The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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