I cockslap morals
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
