it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
