what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
