Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
