If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
