do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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