I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
