Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
