at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
