A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
