Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
