There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
