Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
