Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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