after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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