I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize