looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
