The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
