im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
