My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
