if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Come see our sink grown plant.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
