theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
