bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I have aggressive nipples.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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