its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The police scanner is talking about you again....
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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