Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
