somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
