We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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