is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I had to cum in my sink.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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