Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
