The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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