"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
