So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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