And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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