Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
