Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
