what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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