party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
