At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
