its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
