So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
