it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
