i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
