I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She announced her abortion via fbk
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
