this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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