He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
