i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
