so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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