I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Randomize
