I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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