The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
