Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
