I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
