4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Non-Jews are for practice
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize