On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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