and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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